I know this rambles on and on but I needed to get it off my chest and out of my head.
On March 18, 2007 I had an actually date. Not a hook up but a date. We met for dinner and during dinner he asked if I would like to go see a movie. Wow dinner and a movie I must admit I was surprised and I enjoyed his company. The end of the evening came a peck on the cheek and my feeling was what a very nice guy I will never hear from him again.
I emailed him thanking him for the lovely evening and hope we could do it again. Well low and behold I get a phone call the next day saying he enjoyed himself and would like to see me again. He explained that it was in between pay week for him and maybe I could come to his place and watch a movie. I offered my place and I would fix dinner if he would bring the movie. He accepted and on March 23,2007 he arrived with a terrible bottle of wine and a yellow rose.
I made pasta and cheesecake we had a nice dinner and conversation and we retired to my living room to watch the movie. The movie was playing and we sat on my sofa as I watched the movie I could tell him was nervous why I am not sure but he finally reached for my hand and I just smiled then he finally got the nerve to kiss me. I can not say there was fireworks but it was very nice and sweet. As the movie progress he became bolder with him moves but still a little nervous. The movie was over and it was still early so I found a movie on tv that we could watch. By this time we really were not watching tv and it was getting hot and heavy on the sofa but he still seemed like he was nervous. At this point I knew I would have to take control of the situation so I asked what do you want? There was silence again I asked what do you want? He said I want to make love to you. Now I know you can't love someone you just met at least not in my world so to me he was asking for a fuck. My response so if I agree will I hear from you again and please don't lie to me. His response was I am not like that when I am with someone I don't sleep with them and leave never to be heard from again.
I am thinking yeah right. I said yes and led him to my bedroom. Now the funny thing was we were both naked and there was kissing licking rubbing and cumming but no intercourse. It was the most exotic and sensual night I ever had. This man made me cum so hard and the feeling was just mind blowing. The next morning in the light of day I asked any regrets he said no and made me cum again.
I had to go to work and he kissed me and said he will call me and he left. I went to work thinking I will never hear from him well I was wrong I did hear from and I guess you could say we were a couple but I was not sure.
Now 2 weeks go by I am having a good time. He goes with an uncle to a NASCAR race which I have no interest in. I said go have fun call me. I gave him a call before he leaves just to say have fun be safe see you when you get back. He sounded funny but I could not put my finger on it.
The next day I get a call from him saying he had a great time and is on his way home I said come over when you get home he said OK. Now I wake up at 1:30am and he has not come as of yet. I call get a voice mail I said it was 1:30AM hope your OK give me a call when you get this. I wake up next morning no message no nothing.
I waited until he gets off work to call him he says he's sorry he got home about 1:30am and knew if he came over he would not be getting any sleep and he had to get to work at 7:00am. I thought OK I understand but you should have called me but OK. I asked him do you want to come over now because I missed you and would like to see you. He response he was really tired and wanted to eat get a shower and go to bed. He would talk to me tomorrow. I hung up and knew something was wrong.
The next day no call from him what so ever I waited until he got off from work and called said whats up? He said nothing and at this point I called him on it. I said BULLSHIT there is something wrong. Tell me he said I have to talk to you about something but I can't do it now and I want to do it in person. Now the red flags go up for me I hate it when someone does this to me and will not tell me what it is about. I said OK come up and talk to me he said he could not do it right now he would come up tomorrow and we will talk.
So the next day came no call no nothing so I call and get his voice mail disgusted I hang up then my cell rings and he says I am held up at work I will call you as soon as I get out of here. He knew I had to be at work shortly so I knew we would not be talking.
Over the next few days I called just got his voice mail and I then decided to say fine you don't want to talk then you are the one who has broke it off. I will not be calling anymore.
So for the last week I have been feeling like why doesn't anyone want to love me? I know that is silly but at the moment that is the way I feel.
I go on seeing who is checking me out on the Yahoo personals trying to figure out do I try again or just give up. Then guess who I see checking out my profile you guess it the so called sweet guy. I was going to block him but then I thought you want to play lets play. I sent a message Someone looking at me wonder who it is? I get a message back I miss you and want to talk to you. I sent back you know where I live you know my number. His response Please come to my place so we can talk. OK I know I should have said no and move on but I wanted to know what had happen.
I get to his place and he proceeds to tell me he does not like it when my upstairs neighbor watches us? Now for you who do not know my up stair neighbor is Polt from PoltsPalace.
Now my apartment walls are thin and I am not the most quiet person and Polt has heard things that he shouldn't but never has he interfere with my sexual life. So back to the talk I said what was problem we were out on the street where anyone could have seen us kissing and saying goodbye why are u so upset with a gay man watching from his balcony door. Well he did not like being watched. I said so this was what you wanted to talk about???? You don't return my calls you make me feel worthless and you are upset because my friend was curious about the guy I had been seeing for about 3 weeks which I rarely keep a guy around for a week. I believe there is something else what is it I am calling you on it tell me the real reason. Stop BULLSHITTING me.
There was a pause and he says I also smoke pot and I know you would not approve. I looked at him and laughed. I don't care if you are smoking pot what u do in the privacy of your own home is your business. So now what do we do? Do we call this our 1st fight? You don't want to see me because of my friend or could it be something else?
Now let me say what I want to say. You know I told you that I did not have the best relationship with my father and how he maded me feel so bad about myself and how I am trying so hard to get over that shit. You don't have a clue that you have treated me like my father did in this last week not returning my calls saying we will talk and you don't follow through. Making me feel that there is something wrong with me. What the difference between my friend watching us kissing on a public street and you telling your buddies at work what you and I do in the bedroom and don't tell me you didn't talk.
He stands there looking at me with those sexy brown eyes asking me not to cry and all I can do is stand there with tears rolling down my cheeks with him wiping them away saying he is sorry.
I ask him again what now? He does not know? He wants to think somethings over and he will call me tomorrow. I look at him and laugh I say ok. Now I get to sit here and wait with my thoughts. I think it is his problem not mine. I did nothing wrong and as far as Polt watching us I have no problem with it and if he does maybe I should not have anything to do with this guy.
Because Polt does come with the package.
If you are still with me thanks for listening sorry that I ramble but I feel a little better.
